blogger profile

Margaret Pilarski

editorial assistant

i'm a feminist, and if you're reading this then you are too, you just might not know it yet. i like to eat cheese and travel, but i'm usually broke and/or spending my money on shoes and cocktail rings. i love dogs, rain, and driving offensively (and putting the last comma in a listed series). i'm se...

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dear rite aid,

dear rite aid,

i know it’s a nice day, but that doesn’t mean your pharmacist can just leave and go kitesurfing whenever he/she feels like it. it means they need to stay and dispense my time-sensitive prescriptions. i don’t know if you noticed, rite aid, but birth control should be taken regularly, and on time, for it to work.

when you close early at night for no apparent reason, i understand that maybe the pharmacist’s spouse made a lovely dinner that was getting cold. however, i do not understand why the pharmacist actually left. isn’t it in the job description to stay and, i don’t know, dispense pharmaceuticals? am i crazy? am i?

so when i go to the same pharmacy 6 blocks down the road and they cannot give me the prescription because the first pharmacist “filled” it before he/she left (no you didn’t, you sneaky sneakster), i get confused. don’t multi-million dollar stores like you, rite aid, pay for super duper computer systems that can allow you to make a notation like, “hey absent pharmacist, no worries, she got it filled here – at the open pharmacy”???

i guess they do not, because i was told to return to the closed pharmacy when it was open, in other words: start my birth control the next day so as to raise my risk of parasitic infection pregnancy.

and then, the next day at the original pharmacy:

Pharmacy Dept will be closed today March 20th
Sorry for the inconvencience! [sic]

i always thought it was creepy old men, out of touch with vaginas (ha! out of touch, get it?!), who were trying to control my reproductive system with a flick of their pen. instead, it is you, behemoth dispenser of hormones, that is trying to screw me.

in conclusion, rite aid, you stink. i apologize for repeatedly telling your pharmacist-in-training that i was ‘NOT GETTING PREGNANT THIS MONTH’ and that i was ‘GOING TO GET MY BIRTH CONTROL TODAY – RIGHT NOW!’ but you know what, she gave it to me and everything was fine. couldn’t they have done that last night, on the first of 3 trips to a pharmacy in 12 hours?

ps – RAH RAH RAH! you stink.