blogger profile

Margaret Pilarski

editorial assistant

i'm a feminist, and if you're reading this then you are too, you just might not know it yet. i like to eat cheese and travel, but i'm usually broke and/or spending my money on shoes and cocktail rings. i love dogs, rain, and driving offensively (and putting the last comma in a listed series). i'm se...

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iso: 5 gazillion tons of biodiesel

dear stupid world,

why are your airline tickets so stupidly expensive? do you think i have a money tree in my gravel-and-dog-poop backyard? do you think i am made of money (and sugar and spice and everything nice)? do you think i have some sort of alternative jet fuel rocket backpack i can use instead?

nooooooooooooooo. i have to use you, stupid expensive airline tickets, to get anywhere, anytime.

why in the world haven’t the airlines picked up on those super mega alternafuels? why don’t we see jumbo jets with “powered by veggies” or “ask me about my biodiesel” bumper stickers?! hello american farmers – i think you are missing a large client out there, a little group of people i like to call ‘THE PEOPLE RUINING MY LIFE AND BANK ACCOUNT’

and also, since i brought it up, where is my jet pack? it is two thousand frickin eight. i have no flying car, no time and space transporter, nothing that automatically makes my bed, not even a hoverboard*.

i think the airline superdelegates just want me to stay put. i think they realize what a value i am to charleston and they won’t allow me to leave. i’m stuck here. i’m stuck in charleston forever and ever with no jet pack.

*hoverboards do actually exist, but they seem harder to use than michael j fox made it seem in back to the future 2, the most excellent movie created since mary poppins.